The Cayman Islands Double Elimination Tournament

[Randomman]

Christina Hendricks vs. Scarlett Johansson

Boobs. That’s what this match was about. Boobs. There was no denying it. Even their tops were customized to show off their ample mammarys. And there was only one way it could end as well.

And the number of times I made Freudian slips while typing this out: 7.

It was some sort of unspoken agreement that this was going to be a titfight. Attacks to and with breasts being the only things they’d use. To openly display this, they took off their tops and let the crowd see their natural beauty in all their glory. Just from the visuals, it was easily to tell that Christina was bigger, but hers were softer and were lest pert than the younger Scarlett’s. Making a choice between the two based on visuals alone would be anything but objective.

It started out with trading slaps to the chest. Christina’s larger reach made me tick that round off as a win in her column, as she forced Scarlett to stumble back twice during the 10 traded blows. The next round was breast clawing, where each one took turns twisting the others massive breasts. In this case, Scarlett’s enthusiasm proved more effective and almost knocked Christina off her feet. I gave that round to her.

Next came a chest to chest balance/pushing contest of some sort. They locked their fingers and pressed their bodies together. The act of them pressing their damp bodies together made a slight noise and cupped their breasts up ever so slightly. They pusehd against their rival in an effort to bend them over far enough to apparently knock them on their back. Here, Christina's greater height and reach played to her advantage, but despite this, it was pretty dead even for a good 4 minutes before Christina pushed Scarlett back so far she lost her balance and fell to her back.

The giggle was hypnotic.

Finally, there was the bear hug competition. Scarlett started out and did a good job getting Christina to scream, but hold her off the ground for long periods of time and ended up shaking her back and forth on the ground. Christina however had no such problems lifting and shaking the smaller woman. Scarlet’s screams filled the air relatively quickly as she was shaken like a rag doll in Christina’s python-like grip.

Unceremoniously, Christina tossed Scarlett to the ground after the apparently allotted time. The winner was pretty clear. Scarlett lay on her back, slightly dazed, but resigned to her fate as Christina knelt next to her. Scarlet’s leg bent up as she turned to her conqueror. Christina locked eyes with her and gently stroked her hair. Christina gently kissed Scarlett, almost lovingly I’d say. Scarlett seems to think so as well, because after a minute of it, her hips began to pump ever so slightly as first as Christina asserted herself with both her lips and her chest. Christina moved to straddle Scarlett’s waist and she began stroking Scarlett’s own impressive bosom, whilst covering it with her own.

Christina slowly broke of the kiss, wrapped her arms around Scarlett’s head, and brought her face to Christina’s chest. Scarlett held onto Christina, not thrashing, just letting her know when to release the hold as her arms fell to the floor unmoving. Another knockout.

But one I envied ever so much.

[Randomman]

Chiaki Kuriyama vs. Grace Park

I don’t think there was a greater difference in height in the entire tournament: the tiny, waif-like Chiaki and taller (but similarly stringy to be honest) Grace: grace had almost a half a foot on Chiaki. It didn’t look good from looking at their specks. But I knew some things about Chiaki—I even got to talk with her a bit beforehand (helped her practice her English by dealing with my own slurred, rapid speech). One of the things I knew of was just how extreme wrestling was in Japan. Garbage matches in Japan are leagues more dangerous than they are in the US. To them, realism is paramount, and it’s better to break a star than to see one that’s not so good flounder.

And even though all the roles Chiaki had ended with her defeat on screen , the celebrity wrestling matches with her were…something special. She held her own against Uma Thurman for the Kill Bill opening show, after all.

But then there was her match against Nana Mizuno. Another loss, but by DQ. God, that was something…

She kept Grace at a distance for most of the match, wearing her down. Striking and then moving away. All of it was quite graceful and fluid—but also cautious.

Then Grace grabbed her, kneed her in the gut. The next several minutes consisted of Grace woman-handling the Japanese girl. At one point, she caught Chiaki in a powerful sleeper hold and nearly knocked her out, but Chiaki clawed her way out of it—I like to think my cheering helped with that.

Grace threw Chiaki into one of the turnbuckles. From there, Grace hammered Chiaki repeatedly with chops and slaps and even a few chokes. She finished by lifting the petite girl onto the top turnbuckle, taking a stand on the second one herself and threw her into the center of the ring.

Chiaki landed with a thud, splayed out like a squashed insect.

Grace took to the top rope and aimed a flying body press on the tiny girl—only to get a stomach full of knees.

Chaiki rolled to her feet and kept attacking Grace while she was hurt. She landed a series of kicks to her side, a few stomps and an elbow drop before she took to the top rope herself and nailed Grace in the stomach with a double foot stomp.

The way Grace’s body jackknifed, bounced off the mat, flopped and convulsed from the impact told me all I needed to know about how tough she was. She had a small chest, a tight butt, and a build almost as skinny as mine. But she knew how to move and she knew how to hit.

Then Grace grabbed her legs, flipped her over and slammed her head into the mat three times in rapid succession. Keeping a grip on her head, Grace picked Chiaki up and threw her across the ring. Grace was certainly taking advantage of her Chiaki’s petite stature. Grace then moved in with a sleeper hold, but Grace exacerbated the hold by holding Chiaki’ high enough that her feet didn’t touch the ground. To be honest, I thought it might end there. Chiaki’s feet flailed wildly as she struggled to get Grace’s arm off her throat, but it was her feet that ultimately saved her, as one stray heel imbedded itself just below Grace’s knee. The reflex was automatic, Grace’s knee buckled and she went toppling forward. Grace release the hold, but both feel face first to the mat. Grace recovered first and quickly thought of more deviltry to inflict on the smaller Chiaki.

The dazed Chiaki was then hauled back to the center of the ring, grabbed by the feet and subjected to a 15 second hurricane spin.

Chaiki’s small stature worked against her—a smaller reach hampered the strength of her initial attacks and now it not only sent her flying, it sent her between the ropes and into the sand I set up.

She landed hard on the outside—head firsts at that—to a massive cry from the audience in sympathy. Sand is soft, but not if you hit it fast enough and especially not coral sand.

I had unfortunately mentioned to her where coral sand came from while we talked: Parrot Fish poo.

She picked herself up pretty quickly from that fall, though. Brushing the sand from her face, she barely noticed the cut opened up on her forehead.

It was the look in her eye that caught my attention. It was the same one she had when shit hit the fan during the Nana Mizuno match.

I whispered: “Inverted Controls. Secret Code: The Beast.”

I was probably the only one besides Chiaki that knew what was she was doing. To Grace and to the observers, it looked like she was going berserk. And in a sense, she was.

She was purposefully mimicking a berserker.

A Berserk Anime character from a giant robot anime—the giant robot anime of the 1990s, really (Neon Genesis Evangelion)—but a berserker nonetheless.

All of the fear it generated, with none of the predictability. Even if she lost now, she’s frightened the rest of the conscious roster with her behavior.

Chiaki actually roared as she forcefully pulled herself back into the ring, startling Grace as she flipped into the ring, slamming all 100 some pounds of her to the mat as loudly as possible. It actually came out more like a “Gaoo!” because that’s the Japanese onomatopoeia for a roar.

Chiaki breathed heavily, her teeth barred like a wild animal, blood dripping across her face as her hair hung wildly about it.

Grace hesitated; long enough for Chiaki to charge her and leave her with no hope of dodging a double drop kick to her already weakened chest and stomach. Chiaki spun to her hands and feet quickly after the mutual drop as Grace writhed on her back. Chiaki tore open her top and began to slam ax-handle fists into Grace’s chest while preventing her from rolling away with one leg wrapped around the taller woman.

She then switched to slamming Grace’s head to the mat several times in a row. Seemingly satisfied, she got up off the Korean-Canadian woman and stood her up on her knees. With a dancer’s grace, Chiaki raised her foot and delivered a nasty heel kick to Grace’s head, driving her face first into the mat. K.O.

Chiaki immediately wiped the drool and blood from her face and smiled innocently to the crowd, cementing the fear in her opponents.

I burst out laughing as I applauded and shouted: “Zankoku no tenshi no you ni!” ; which, roughly translated, means “Like a Cruel Angel without a sense of mercy!”

Yeah, that got some looks.

I’m such a nerd.

[a fan]

Great first round, looking forward to the next.

[Raccoon]

"Grace immediately wiped the drool and blood from her face and smiled innocently to the crowd, cementing the fear in her opponents. "

Shouldn't it be "Chiaki immediately..." as Grace was knocked out?

Regardless, thanks.

[Randomman]

Yeah, I've noticed a few mistakes similar to that in what I've already posted and corrected what I could, but feel free to point out errors.

Self-editing was never a strong suit of mine.

Now get set for the last matches of the round, and before the storm swamps the northeast, too!

[Randomman]

Freida Pinto vs. Natalie Portman

I had a bit more cleaning up to do after that match. Remove blood-stained sand, clean up the mat—so there was a small delay before the next match. I also had the added pleasure of serving the spectators a light snack and gave out bottled water to the remaining competitors. Some off the ladies stepped out for a spell to get some proper lunch. Lucky them. Everyone else was too enthralled by the events in the ring.

Freida stood out in stark contrast to Natalie, taller, darker and with an innocent smile, Natalie’s short, pale and serious face made them seem like night and day with inverted emotional attributes.

But I’m probably reading too much into that.

Freida had height and youth, Natalie had willpower beyond the norm and quite a head on her shoulders. Freida’s enthusiasm clashed headlong into Natalie’s feints, ducks and counterstrikes. It took some doing, but this strategy wore down Freida’s energy something fierce.

But she kept a slight smile regardless, and it actually began to infect Natalie. It wasn’t a smile of impending victory, but a smile of enjoyment. They were having fun.

With Freida unable to keep up with Natalie’s dancer-like strikes, she was wide open when Natalie moved in for the kill. Natalie bounced off the ropes and passed Freida by, but on the return trip, she leapt onto the girl, latched her legs around Freida’s head and swung her to the ground with a hurricanrana.

Following that, she hauled the partially inert Hindi woman to the turnbuckle, and with a grunt off effort, hauled Freida up to the top, rope by rope. Natalie slammed her elbow into Freida’s head twice once she got her to the top to make sure she stayed there.

Natalie hopped down, took a few steps back and with a centering breath, charged the corner. She grabbed the middle rope, flipped up and locked a head-scissors on Freida and threw her to the ground in a head scissors takedown. But as Freida fell, Natalie remained connected to the ropes. Freida landed on her back near the center of the ring while Natalie prepared her follow up.

She spun around, reaching the top rope and took for the skies with an impressive body splash, which hit Freida square on her chest. I dare say, it was almost a 69 position when Natalie landed.

This unorthodox landing didn’t do Natalie much good either as she rolled a bit away after their mutual bounce from the impact. Freida however, had her eyes shut and her mouth open, gulping breath like a fish.

Natalie hooked the leg, called or a pin and 3 seconds later, had herself a win. Freida was actually helped up by Natalie after the match and they sat together for the final match of the day.

[Randomman]

Michelle Rodriguez vs. Zoe Saldana

I knew going in that this would be a rough one—possibly on par with Chiaki vs. Grace earlier that morning.

Michelle had an advantage in weight and power (and bust), but Zoe had the height and reach. These same-aged co-stars had apparently had a prior match for the hype machine for the cinematic juggernaut that is James Cameron’s Avatar. Zoe won that one with a roundhouse kick to the head and a 3 count pin. Both had some non-cat fighting training: Zoe in survival and tribal martial arts, Michelle in boxing and had been typecast as a “Tough chick” most of her career. If that don’t make you a target for fights, little does. Both were Puerto Rican/Dominican mixes too. Michelle and Zoe had worked together and got along from what I saw of them earlier, so I didn’t expect it to start out as violently as some of the other matches that morning had been.

They still came out swinging.

Zoe lead first with a powerful thrust kick, but Michelle spun around it and flattened her with a single punch. Not hard, really, off-balance and all that, but it was forceful enough to send the darker skinned Zoe rolling back. Michelle let her get back up, but the statement had been made to her opponent and future competitors: Don’t take Michelle Rodriguez lightly.

That would have set up a power vs. speed match like several before, but the thing was that Zoe was not that far behind Michelle in the strength department either. She could nail rival with power moves just about on par with Michelle. Michelle’s may have hurt more, but it didn’t make Zoe’s hurt much less. It was only in close grapples that Michelle usually took the greater advantage, like when Michelle caught Zoe in a awe inspiring bear hug—the only thing that saved Zoe was Michelle’s need to play with her victim, which earned her a nasty blow between the legs.

Towards the end of the match, Zoe locked on a nasty Sleeper and body scissors combination, but Michelle had snuck an arm through the sleeper, lessening its effectiveness. Sweat was dripped from the combatants—maintaining holds like that was no small feat and it took even more effort to endure it.

Michelle at first tried to elbow Zoe to get her off, but Zoe slid to the other side, away from the aggressive arm and pulling Michelle to the ground. Zoe pulled tight on the body scissors, arching her back and forcing a scream from Michelle. Michelle’s legs thrashed, searching for footing for scant seconds before Michelle powered herself up off the ground. It took a good deal of effort, but after she steadied herself, Michelle went on the attack. Charging at full speed, she rammed Zoe into the Turnbuckle. Once there, she rammed her into it again and again until the holds loosened.

Then rammed her there again to knock her off and leave her cringing in the corner, and made sure she stayed there with a trio of stomps.

Michelle picked Zoe up by the neck, placed her back on the turnbuckle with two more elbows and a head butt before sending 5 rapid fire punches into her stomach and followed up with a left hook to her head, rattling it greatly, but she remained trapped in the corner. Until Michelle brought her out of it by her head into the center of the ring, shoved her head between her legs, picked her legs up and held her there for a good 6 seconds in prelude for the final blow: a devastating pile driver.

Zoe held in that upturned position for a half second before falling down like a felled tree. A 10 count later and the next rounds matches were all set.

By then, it was well past noon and deep into Siesta time. And after a show like that, we could all use a siesta—but I had to make sure everyone was taken care of first, my day wasn’t over. I did get some extra Z’s between 3 and 5 when I had to get the dinner party ready for the following evening.

The next day would begin the next round of events, with both rounds taking place in the morning and following final elimination, the competitors could do open challenges amongst their eliminated piers in the evening between 7 and 9. That might seem kind off light-weight, but keep in mind the amount of punishment and excursion going on in any match, and how hard they fought earlier. No one wanted to pull an all-nighter, and no one pushed it on the girls.

I was the help. That was a different story. No hobnobbing tonight. I had work to do.

Winners Bracket Day 2:
Morena Baccarin vs. Jessica Biel
Eliza Dushku vs. Summer Glau
Christina Hendricks vs. Chiaki Kuriyama
Natalie Portman vs. Michelle Rodriguez

Losers Bracket Day 2:
Jessica Alba vs. Rosario Dawson
Lexa Doig vs. Anne Hathaway
Grace Park vs. Scarlett Johanson
Freida Pinto vs. Zoe Saldana

Free Schedule Day 2:
None